The Gods Love Fangirls
by ReturnToSender
Summary: Eheh! Crackish. I promise, it's fun. The girl searches for her perfect real life Kakashi and Iruka look alikes and lo, she finds them! Drool. Pretty School Nurse Umino TM. KakaIru


1_The Gods Love Fangirls_

She found them. After months - ite, more like years if she were blatantly honest with herself - of searching in all her fanatical fandom, she had found them. After thousands of men she'd silently snapped photos of, millions she'd debated over, never finding that perfectly perfect _perfect - _you know, _the _perfect that fulfills every conscious and unconscious desire an artist visualizes, beginning to end? That kind of perfect? She could've screamed - and in fact she had, to every fanatical friend who could understand in only that fanatical way - about how _good _life was. No feeling on the planet was quite like that feeling a woman got once she accomplished something. Accomplished her dream, actually, for so many years.

It was a Naruto (TM) Rock Lee 'good guy' pose moment!

The girl screams a hysterical Yosh! and lovingly kisses her 11X17 inch glossy photos - matted, because a fangirl new her shitz - and starred with tear streaked cheeks into the sky. The first part of her artistic life's mission was completed. Now it was time for phase two.

She had to get her models to pose for her - the perfect real life Naruto facsimiles of Kakashi Hatake and Iruka Umino.

The perfectly perfect Scarecrow and Dolphin of the Naruto fandom. The 'momma and papa' of main character brats.

Already the beautiful high-definition black and white shots with melancholic backgrounds were filling her mind - followed closely by extreme action digital color photos sold for thirty dollars on Ebay. Life was good - she wouldn't be just a hack using mediocre models, or worse, _friends_.

...Not like anything was wrong with that, _cough_, no sir!

She grinned evilly through her scarf, eyeing the young man who left the campus commuter café, nose stuffed inexorably into book. Oh ho, she knew what was _really _tucked into that unassuming textbook of A and P! The girl giggled like a psycho, hearts flying out of her eyes. He was absolutely perfect - the infamous Copy-cat Nin with a thousand mad techniquez, and even a dirty little porno-obsessed mind! Like _her _dirty little porno-obsessed mind that pictured prim School Nurse Umino (TM) (replete with cutesy school nurse uniform - _le sigh_) giving naughty student Kakashi with his super _hawt _all-boys school uniform the thermometer. It sort of depended on the level of dirtiness - ahem - in her mind on what _kind _of thermometer it was.

The girl wiped embarrassedly at the drool spilling from her mouth. Nope, fantasies could wait 'till later, when she was tucked safely behind her apple laptop typing blissfully away...

She scampered sideways behind a tree, snapping a quick picture of model-Kakashi as he made his way across campus.

Now it was time to go visit her _other _perfectly perfect object. Umino Iruka - teacher of snot nosed brats who think they got what it takes to be the Ninja, and thus own the way of the Ninja. Hell yeah, the Ninja kicks _ass_.

Skipping psychotically through the lot, she shoved some random dude with glasses and a positively sheltered look into a bush. However, she was far too caught up in beautiful man-candy to stop and apologize.

It took her about ten minutes and twenty five speeding tickets later (cops in college towns were almost _creepily _efficient) to reach the other side of campus, where the book store was located. Where one, _'Iruka-sensei'_ works.

The girl just couldn't believe her _luck _when she'd decided upon the college - deeming it 'okay' to assist in her life-long goals -that both men of her man-sex dreams would also attend! Ah, truly the gods were most rewarding when one was a pure and honest fangirl - who always said her prayers and went to Con religiously.

Anyway, she strolled into the Yobett building bookstore and took a quick glance around before scuttling toward the art supply section. She made sure to flip through a sheaf of papers, and examined a wax pencil before sneaking a peak at the guy who sat the book-finder desk (she really had no idea what they actually called it, but knew they picked out people's books for them).

He was sooo perfect! As perfect as her model-Kakashi! The girl grinned stupidly, clasping her face in absolute adoration. She knew from some careful spying and even more careful asking around that her Iruka-model was half Japanese and half South American decent, resulting in his beautifully olive complexion. One of the few things she'd been terrified about upon starting her journey of real-life anime worship, had been the absolute perfect skin tone she wouldn't budge on when it came to Iruka-sensei.

Ah, she was so happy luck and the Gods had favored her!

The young man blinked and began to shift his eyes. The girl hurriedly turned back to the art supplies and plucked at a new sketch pad. She frowned at the mini size. Ooh, they never had any big paper in stock anymore!

"You need any help, miss?"

He _was _perfect. She sighed in absolute contentment, before grabbing one of the artsy technical pens. Her Iruka-model was the picture-perfect picture of gracious politeness. Her art would soar to new heights unheard of in the fandom world! Mental 'good guy' pose (TM)!

"Nope, Nope! Practically perfect in every way, thank you!" She chirruped, before merrily skipping to the check-out counter.

Her Iruka-model tucked a longish strand of chocolate hair behind his ear, a lifted eyebrow and a confused look on his gorgeous face.

She smiled at the clerk ringing her purchase through. _Practically perfect _all right, the guy even had a scar across his nose! Fate was beautiful! She would die happy as soon as they consented to being in her pictures!

000

In the end it had taken fifty-six 'No way, psychos' from Iruka look-alike before he said yes. Of course, this agreement had entailed she do certain things...things she hoped she'd never have to do again...

NO NOT THAT! And you call yourselves KakaIru fans!

No, she'd had to do things like wash his nasty, smelly clothes. Run his papers to class when he wasn't feeling well. Buy him dinner at the café and run it up to his dorm like a damn housemaid - she resented that! - so he wouldn't have to pay.

Bastard, playing with her absolute love of Manga/Anime!

Oddly, it had only taken thirty-two 'No way, you gosh darn freaky stalkers' from Kakashi look-a-like before he agreed. Of course, she'd had to run out and buy him a hundred copies of Play-boy and dinner from O'Mally's bar and grille, but at least it was like ten-times less than her beautiful Iruka-model had asked for.

Yes, in the end she had prevailed! Her Scarecrow and Dolphin photos meant too much to let some whiny model drag her down! Believe it!

The girl giggled madly, toning the light down a notch as she adjusted 'Iruka's' arm perched across 'Kakashi's' stomach, and turned his head a little to rest more comfortably on that arm. It was a relatively relaxed photo, one she planned on doing in black and white. 'Kakashi' leaned against the wall, a hand placed behind his head and the other laid carefully on 'Iruka's' waist. She'd had 'Iruka' wear a cute beat-up shirt (strategically inched up of course, so 'Kakashi's' hand was touching skin) and low-slung jeans. 'Kakashi' on the other hand, had nothing but low-slung jeans - oh, and a personally handmade mask by her and a friend studying design.

She grinned maniacally as she snapped photo after photo, instructing them on what expression they should wear. Oh, life was surely _good_.

Indeed, the girl knew she should've expected more resistance to the blatantly - eh - 'boy love' content of her pictures, but she guessed the three hundred kind of smoothed out any apprehensions. It was true, of course, that when one reads fandom for as long as she had, considering any boundary was relatively pointless. You grow rather unaffected, yet still, she was surprised two obviously handsome men hadn't put up more of a stink.

It was when she'd excused herself to the bathroom and told her perfect models to have a stretch that she found out the reason why. Oh, and it made all her luscious fangirl dreams come true!

000

"I can't believe I'm doing this for three hundred bucks." 'Iruka' blew his dark bangs out of his eyes, scratching boredly at the scar across his nose. He glared at the bright lamp. Stupid thing, he wished it would explode.

The other male in the room only grinned - though it was hard to tell with the mask - before rubbing at his bare stomach and drawing a knee up to his chest. "I dunno. Probably would've done it for a hundred. Or..."

'Iruka' felt a distinct heat trail down his spine and knew the weirdo was starring at him. Ugh, him and the crazy chick were probably in on it together - Christ, he _wasn't _gay.

"Probably would've done it for nothing, if I'd known."

Iruka rolled his eyes. He wanted to applaud the guy, a real smooth one that was for sure. It was college hey, and he was a drama and education major so he wasn't intolerant, but he wasn't f#$in' gay!

"Back off bud. Only one way, do I swing." Iruka sighed, and after sitting down, leaned his head against the wall. He closed his eyes.

Despite his annoyance though, he was a tad curious...

"How exactly did you get your hair that color anyway? I mean, you're Asian right, so wouldn't it be dark?"

Kakashi chuckled through his mask. "Too many bleachings. Sort of ended up a weird color, didn't it?"

Iruka couldn't help the smile that curled his lips. He laughed lightly. The guy wasn't so bad - pretty funny actually. "Yeah that's one fucked up color all right."

There was a sudden silence after his words, which Iruka found slightly disturbing.

"Oi -"

He had started to speak again, when Kakashi had somehow appeared in a crouch right before him. Put on the defensive Iruka pushed himself further into the wall, hoping to not have his face - and if he was honest his mouth - so close to such a demented guy.

Really, hadn't the jerk ever heard of personal space? Personal-freaking-bubble _alert_!

"What the hell are you _doing_?!"

The guy grinned - don't even ask how Iruka knew that, he just did - and proceeded to pull down the stretchy material covering his face. Iruka supposed, in a professionally distant and at a purely aesthetical standpoint, it was an attractive face and no doubt had many people vying for the use of it.

Professionally speaking, of course.

"You know, I used to watch my fair share of anime when I was younger - and, no lie, I still dabble every once and a while. I always did like Naruto, to tell you the truth..."

Iruka snorted. Somehow he could picture this guy thinking he was some crazy ass Ninja - really, his _little sister_ still did.

"Whatever! I'm getting paid and you're gay! Leave me alone, pal."

Kakashi smiled again, and the effect was rather devastating without a mask to cover him up. It was in a purely _aesthetical _way of course, one that had nothing to do with how big the guy was, but, like a finely made piece of art, had to do with the emotion its beauty elicited.

Affection...or lust or something...

"Sorry. Couldn't pass up kissing my favorite character in the series, could I?"

Iruka didn't get a chance to answer that question however, as a pair of warm lips descended on his own.

000

The girl growled as she stomped back through the door, trying to shake a stubborn piece of toilet paper from her shoe. Stupid, she'd only been in the bathroom for three seconds and somehow she'd managed to make herself look like a dang fool.

The girl blinked at what she'd walked in on, frozen solid to the spot. Then squealing, scrambled for her camera and began snapping photos like there was no tomorrow. She'd finished the roll within ten minutes, dive bombing for her other camera to start all over again.

Oh! The Gods truly loved good fangirls! She'd thought for sure it would've either been a 'no way in hell' or 'how much you got' kind of situation to get her two most perfect models to do _this_!

"_Ahh, god..."_

The girl felt both her nostrils gush like the Niagra, her face still mashed up to her Sony Cyber-shot ® snap, snap, snapping away.

000

"If you'd like copies, I can totally give you a dozen of your choosing! No charge, of course!"

She grinned at Kakashi look-alike, holding out her manilla file of photos for him to take. He returned the smile, and leafing through them quickly, picked out his favorites.

"...Sorry, anyway, about making you pick up my nudie mags."

The girl shook her head profusely, hands held up in a placating manner. "No, no, no! I will thank you, my most perfectly perfect Naruto model! Do you have any idea how many copies I can sell of these on Ebay?"

Looking up at the two models with stars in her eyes, the girl laughed and skipped off in all her psychotic splendor.

Ah yes, now she could only wonder if a Sasuke and Naruto model existed somewhere, out there, for her to find...

A/N - AHAHHAHAHHA HOOHAAA! OMFG. GIGGLE. Gurgle, crack. Eheh heh. NyQuil.


End file.
